


Those Left Behind

by ImOutOfMyVulcanMind (LoopyLu94)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Injuries, mild swearing, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 17:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11628402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoopyLu94/pseuds/ImOutOfMyVulcanMind
Summary: In the aftermath of an away mission gone wrong, Leonard takes care of Jim.





	Those Left Behind

When Leonard keyed in his code to his and Jim’s quarters, he was met only with darkness. “Jim?” He called softly, stepping in and letting the door slide shut behind him. No answer. “Lights 40%.” The lights flickered on, set just right that they didn’t blind Leonard, and Leonard’s gaze immediately landed on the hunched up figure sitting on the floor in front of the sofa, clutching what appeared to be the illegal bottle of brandy they’d confiscated the week before as if his life depended on it. The sight broke Leonard’s heart. “Oh, Jim.” **  
**

As he moved over he saw that Jim hadn’t even changed out of his uniform. The torn what was supposed to be gold material was covered in mud and and blood, and knowing that it wasn’t Jim’s only made it a fraction better. He sat on the floor next to Jim, the other not even looking up or acknowledging him. “I only let you out of MedBay because you promised to rest. Getting yourself blind drunk from brandy you shouldn’t be drinking isn’t resting.” Leonard said, just to break the silence as he plucked the bottle from Jim’s hands and placed it to one side.

Usually a remark like that would earn Leonard a cheeky grin and something said about how Jim was never good at following orders made outside the bedroom, but this time all Jim did was ball his now empty hands into fists. “Guess it’s just one more thing I’ve fucked up today. Add it to list.” There was a bitter harshness in Jim’s tone, a quiet hatred that Leonard knew Jim was directing at himself.

Leonard sighed, he could see the tension in Jim’s body, see the weight of the guilt bearing down on his shoulders. “It wasn’t your fault, Jim.”

Jim’s laugh was more of a snarl, his lips curling into a cruel looking smile. “Then whose fault was it, Bones? I’m the Captain. It’s my job to take care of my crew. If something goes wrong, then it is my fault.”

“No. No, listen to me. The crew is your responsibility, but that doesn’t make everything that goes wrong your fault. Every single person on this ship thought that planet was uninhabited and safe. No one thought twice about the research mission going ahead.”

“But I’m the only one who sent two full away teams to their deaths!”

“Jim, you didn’t know that. No one could have seen that ambush coming. You were split up and outnumbered. There was nothing you could have done.” Leonard reached out to place a hand on Jim’s shoulder, but pulled back when the other recoiled, flinching as if Leonard’s hand was causing him actual pain.

“There should have been something! I should’ve found a way. Something. Anything.”

“But there wasn’t. And that’s why no one but yourself is blaming you. The whole crew knows that if you could have done something, you would have. Hell, all Starfleet knows you put your crew before yourself.”

Jim’s posture changed suddenly, his shoulders slumping and his head hanging even more than it was. He looked defeated. “Maybe you all put too much faith in me. I failed to protect them, and now I’m going to have to write to all their families and explain why they won’t be coming home.”

“Not all, Jim. Not all.” For the first time since he’d entered, Jim looked up at Leonard. His eyes were wide, so blue they almost seemed unnatural. Leonard could see the trail of dried tears run through the dirt on his face. He looked lost, and far too young to be bearing such a heavy burden. Leonard answered Jim’s unspoken question. “Ensign Franks is going to make it.”

Jim closed his eyes, letting out a long slow breath, as just a hint of relief flittered around his features. It disappeared as quickly as it arrived though when Jim opened his eyes again. “One person, Bones. I saved one person out of two teams. Someone give me a damned medal.”

Leonard reached out again, and when this time Jim didn’t flinch back, let his hand rest on the back of Jim’s neck. “It’s one less person dead, Jim. Instead of her parents receiving a letter saying why their child, barely out of the Academy and an entire career ahead, is dead, they’ll hear how she was injured but her Captain saved her life at a risk to his.”

Jim shook his head. “No. No, Bones, I didn’t, you-”

“You saved her. I stopped closed up the wound, yes, but if you hadn’t acted as quickly as you did down there, Franks would have bled out before she ever got to my table.” Leonard watched Jim, hoping that he would see the honesty in his face and accept. Jim dropped his gaze down to the floor, and it told Leonard everything. He sighed. “I’m not enough of a fool to sit here all night and try to convince you that what happened today wasn’t your fault, because even though it wasn’t, I know you’ll never listen. And honestly, if our positions were reversed, I’d be the same. But try to remember that you did good today too. And that is a hard fact that I’d testify to in any court in the universe. Will you try and let that sink into your thick skull? For me?”

Leonard paused, waiting, and eventually Jim nodded. “I’ll try, Bones.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Leonard smiled, letting his hand drop down to Jim’s left one. “I love you, kid.” He whispered, running his thumb over the silver band encircling Jim’s ring finger.

“Love you too, Bones.” Jim offered a small tired smile in return, before looking down at their joined hands. “Not the anniversary we had planned.”

“No. It wasn’t. But there’ll be plenty more. And we’ll have tomorrow to be with each other.”

Jim looked up again, eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Tomorrow?”

“You really thought I was going to let you work after everything that’s happened? Barring a red alert, I’ve signed us both off for the next twenty-four hours.”

Jim pulled back, shaking his head. “No. Bones, no. I’ve got reports and letters…”

Leonard held onto Jim, refusing to let him pull too far away. “They can wait a day, Jim.”

“I can’t. I’ve already had three meeting requests from the Admirality. I have to work.”

“You are not working tomorrow, Jim. I’m your Doctor, and for the sake of your own health you need to rest and recover, and any Admiral with a stick up so far up their rear that they like to pretend they’ve never lost anyone, who tries to complain, will have to get through me first.” Leonard fixed Jim with his ‘I’m not taking any more argument’ glare, and waited for a reaction.

It was testament to how right Leonard actually was, and to how drained Jim really was, that instead of still trying to protest further, which he usually would, Jim sighed and nodded. “Okay, Bones.” He slumped back into Leonard, letting his head rest on Leonard’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” Leonard murmured, kissing the top of Jim’s head. He let them stay like that for awhile, but eventually he knew they needed to move. “C’mon, let’s go shower, then we can grab something to eat and have a drink together.”

Jim nodded again, letting Leonard help him up off the floor. Exhaustion screamed from every pore, but Leonard knew that it was unlikely that Jim would fall to sleep naturally tonight. When they reached the bathroom, he reluctantly let Jim go in favor of turning on the water, sonic be damned for the night. Leonard set the temperature to a few degrees above what he usually enjoyed, but was perfect for Jim.

When Leonard turned back, Jim had already peeled out of his ruined uniform, and left the items discarded to the side. Leonard winced at the bruises that littered Jim’s body, but knowing how close it had come to it being so much worse, forced him to push the thoughts to the back of his mind, and strip off too.

As soon as they were both in, Jim was leaning on Leonard again, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and Leonard easily adjusted his stance to take the extra weight. He managed to maneuver Jim under the stream of water, smiling when Jim groaned as the heat and force of the water hit sore and tensed muscles.

Leonard allowed them to soak, letting the water do it’s job and wash away the grime. He chose not to bring up the way Jim’s body was lightly trembling in his arms, or how the wetness he felt in the crook of his neck wasn’t from the shower, instead giving Jim the space he needed while still being there.

It wasn’t until Jim stilled again, did Leonard reach out for the body wash, his one, because even though Jim had his own, it was always Leonard’s he used. Leonard worked slowly, washing Jim down inch by inch, and scrubbing away the last of the dirt. It meant he had to peel Jim off of him, but feeling Jim relax minutely underneath his hands was worth it. When Leonard reached for the shampoo, Jim closed his eyes, always did when Leonard washed his hair. Leonard used the opportunity to massage Jim’s scalp, digging his nails in at just the right points to make Jim’s breath catch. Always so beautifully sensitive.

All of Jim was beautiful, Leonard thought as he watched Jim. Even now when red rimmed eyes were framed by dark circles, and tears stained his cheeks, Jim was the most beautiful man Leonard had ever seen. It was probably why he couldn’t resist pressing a soft, chaste kiss to Jim’s lips as he finished rinsing the suds out of the blond hair.

Jim kissed back, and smiled at Leonard. “Let me do you?”

“You don’t need too, Jim. You’re exhausted, and I grabbed a sonic shower in MedBay.”

“Please? I want to anyway.”

Leonard sighed, even as he smiled and nodded, and Jim picked up his own bottle of body wash, because Leonard always used it as revenge for Jim using his. He was quicker, and less thorough than Leonard had been, lacking the energy to take time, but it didn’t matter. Just feeling Jim’s hands on him was enough.

Finally, they turned the water off, Leonard wrapping a towel around Jim as they stepped out. “I am capable of doing some things myself, you know.” Jim protested, as he always did.

“Shut up and let me take care of you for tonight.” Leonard retorted as he always did. Jim didn’t argue anymore, never did. It was routine by now. If Jim lost someone on an away mission, Leonard looked after him that night. And if Leonard lost someone in Medbay, Jim looked after him.

Leonard rolled his eyes when Jim grabbed his old Medical Academy hoodie and pulled it over his head before Leonard could even say anything. “Pretty sure you’ve worn that thing more than I ever have.” Leonard smiled, unable to do anything else when Jim was looking at him like some adorable puppy. Leonard himself pulled on a pair of sleeping pants and a worn t-shirt that was once blue. “What do you want to eat?”

“I’m not really hungry, Bones.”

“You haven’t eaten all day. You’re eating.” Leonard replied, going over to the replicator. He punched in two orders of pasta, and waited until they were ready before setting them down at the table. Jim sat without further fight, and actually ate more than Leonard had expected him to. Leonard smiled at Jim as he began to clear up. “How about you pour us some of that brandy? Might as well drink it now that it’s open. We can make a toast.”

“Yeah, okay. It’s good stuff.” Jim replied, rising from his seat and collecting the bottle from where it still sat on the floor. Leonard watched from the corner of his eye as Jim found two tumblers too, and poured them each a good measure.

Leonard turned, taking his glass from Jim, and raising it. “To fallen friends.”

Jim raised his glass in return. “To fallen friends.” He toasted, letting his glass clink against Leonard’s, before taking a large mouthful.

Leonard copied the action, groaning as the liquid burned his throat. “I can see why this stuff’s illegal.”

“Yeah, but it’s good though, right?”

“Damn right. Bring the bottle over here.” Leonard plopped down onto the sofa, smiling as Jim joined him and set the bottle between them.

They sat in silence while they drank, the remaining brandy slowly disappearing until the empty bottle was discarded to the floor, and they were just on the right side of tipsy. Jim had started out on his end of the sofa, but gradually he’d moved until he was almost entirely sprawled out on top of Leonard.

“You really think it wasn’t my fault?” Jim asked quietly.

“I know it wasn’t, Jim. You did everything right today.”  Leonard answered, running his fingers through mostly dry blond hair.

“That just makes it harder.”

“I know it does, darlin’.” Leonard looked down just as Jim glanced up, looking painfully tired. “You think you could sleep?” He asked, holding onto the small hope that the alcohol had relaxed Jim enough for sleep to be possible.

“I dunno. Maybe. I’m so tired, but…I don’t know.”

“Well, let’s move to the bed anyway, yeah? At the very least we won’t get cramped.” He murmured, kissing Jim’s forehead, before gently prying him off. “C’mon you human octopus, I can’t move with you clinging to me.”

“But you’re comfy.” Jim protested with a smile as he nevertheless rose from the sofa.

“Infant.” Leonard teased, moving to the bed. He’d only just finished sprawling out on top of it when his Jim blanket returned, lying on top of him and holding on tightly. Leonard just smiled and wrapped his arms around Jim in return.

Leonard thought back to the first time he’d convinced Jim that needing human contact, especially after a traumatic event was natural, and Jim had ended up spread across him, just like he was now. While he’d been more than happy to provide that contact for Jim, the extra weight and heat and felt strange to him at first. It hadn’t been unpleasant, but Leonard had assumed he’d never love it as much as Jim did.

Leonard smiled again when he thought about how wrong he’d been.

He found having Jim as a blanket as comforting as Jim found it. Feeling him pressed against Leonard, alive and breathing, and occasionally drooling, was everything Leonard wanted.

“I love you, Bones.” Jim murmured sleepily, drawing Leonard back from his thoughts.

Leonard looked to where Jim was resting his head on his shoulder. His eyes were closed, and though there was still tension surrounding some of his features, he still looked more relaxed than when Leonard had found him. “Love you too, Jim. Always will.”

“Good.” Jim shifted in a way that Leonard recognised as him about to fall to sleep. “You won’t leave, will you?”

“Never. You’re stuck with me.” Leonard replied softly, watching with a tired smile of his own as Jim’s face relaxed and the younger man drifted off to sleep. Leonard didn’t hope for a full night’s rest; at some point nightmares would come for Jim just as they always did.

And just as always, Leonard would be there.


End file.
